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Welcome to the
Ultra Exclusive Completely Limited Release Criterion Platinum Special Collector's Edition
of Not My Desk!
We're very excited
to bring you this once-in-a-lifetime edition... NOT SOLD IN ANY STORE! In
it you will find INSIGHTFUL WRITER'S COMMENTARY on past
updates, NEVER BEFORE SEEN OUTTAKES and GAGS, DELETED SECTIONS
that were trimmed for time or deemed unfit for publication, an EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW
with the site's creator, the GALLERY OF CRAPPY LOGOS, and much, much more! Okay, not much, much
more. That's probably about it. In fact, there may actually be less.
Here's how these things go for me. 1) Come up
with idea for theme week, like a special collector's edition. 2) Come up
with a single idea for it, in this case, writer's commentary. 3)
Quickly make up other ideas that I think I'll be able to accomplish and
make funny during the week, and list them, despite having no real idea how
I am going to make them work (in this case, everything else listed).
4) Spend hours creating logos, graphics, etc. 5) Post
the first day of the theme week. 6) Spend the rest of the week
hating myself for listing things before I even knew what I was going to do
with them, because I still don't know what to do with them. (I even pulled one
idea out of the lineup out at the last minute: behind-the-scenes
photos. If you read all the commentary this week, though, you got to
see 8000 tiny photos of me, so close enough).
I did start putting
together a crappy logo gallery, but shit, what the hell am I really going
to say about my logos? Anyway, you can see what I started assembling
here, if you really want to.
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Anyway, hi!
Been a while since we've had a theme week, so I thought it was about time.
Let's get started!
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it has been a while! The last one was the Feltman write-in
campaign, which wasn't even intended to be a theme week, and that was
exactly a year ago.
Originally
(meaning last Saturday, when I "planned" this) everything
about this theme week was going to be a joke. Joke commentary, made-up deleted scenes,
fake outtakes,
everything. So, I sat down to write fake commentary, but while
I was reading over my site and thinking about it, it seemed easier and
possibly more interesting to just go and do a real commentary. So
I did. It took a long while, mostly because I had to read every
single damn thing I've ever written, but it was a lot fun to actually
write.
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6.7.02:
Writer's Commentary -- Year Three plus Bonus Tracks!
Track Nine:
April
8 - April 12, 2002 - Yet another goddamn new look hits the site!
Plus, learn how Not My Desk almost closed up shop in March! For
good! Also, the message board
mystery: solved at last!
Bonus Track
One:
The
Temp Test! - Since Year Three is only a few months old, here's a bonus
commentary track for the Temp Test! Find out stuff about the Temp
Test. Not a lot of stuff... but some stuff!
Bonus Track
Two:
TempCam!
- Ever wondered where the images on my "live" TempCam page came
from? Of course you didn't! Who would? Still, I explain
everything about the TempCam page in loving detail.
Super Extra
Bonus Track One:
????????
- What could this be? A Super Extra Bonus Track? Yes! Just for
you!
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6.6.02:
Exclusive Interview & NMD Outtakes and Gags!
I love watching
movie and TV outtakes, don't you? It's funny when actors flub their lines
or props break or things just go completely wrong! Well, don't think that
doesn't happen around here, because it does! A lot!
Click
Here for Not My Desk's Outtakes and Gags!
If you're anything
like me, you spend a lot of time thinking about... me! What makes me
tick? Why do I do what I do, and when? Where did I leave my
pants? In an attempt to answer those questions and more, I recently
interviewed myself. The answers may just shock you!
Click
Here for My Exclusive Interview of Myself!
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I wrote these two sections when I was extremely
tired, and man, they made me laugh like crazy. That's usually a bad
sign. Often, the stuff I think is the funniest is the
least funny, and the stuff I don't think much of gets me
compliments. Kooky!
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6.5.02:
Writer's Commentary -- Year Two!
Track Five:
March
6 - March 10, 2001 - It's more NMD history as Henchman of the Week
bursts onto the scene (for a
while), and Diversions begin distracting people from doing their work.
Also, thoughts on why the site changes looks so often and warm memories of the
lovely and talented Mary Jo Pehl.
Track Six:
July
23 - July 27, 2001 - Rage. Nothing but rage.
Track Seven:
October
15 - October 26, 2001 - Obnoxious idiots in chat rooms meet an even more
obnoxious idiot (me), as a little something called Temp Chat appears for the
first time. Thank you! Also, is that a haunting serenade for honey
barbeque wings I hear? Yep. That's a haunting serenade for honey barbeque
wings I hear. Definitely.
Track Eight:
January
14 - January 18, 2002 - A completely different site design assaults the
eyes and tests the patience of faithful readers, the truth of why I hate poets
so much is finally revealed, footage is altered so Greedo actually shoots at Han
Solo first, and an anus is noticed, pondered, and covered up. Also, NMD
gets a staff!
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6.4.02:
Deleted Scenes!
If you think
you've read everything I've written for this site, think again! There's
tons of stuff that sucked so bad it never saw the light of day. There are
also a lot of updates that were started and never finished, ideas that didn't
pan out, and humor that lacked the essential requirement of being funny.
So, take a look at the deleted scenes of Not My Desk!
Click
here for the Deleted Scenes!
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These weren't actually supposed to be real
deleted scenes. I was going to invent some jokey ones, but it wasn't
working out, and I'd blown most of the evening preparing Wednesday's
commentary. So, I poked around and found some actual stuff I had
been working on but hadn't used. Since I rarely ever go back to
older, uncompleted stuff, I figured I'd never use them, and just tossed
them in there.
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6.3.02:
Writer's Commentary --
Year One!
Don't worry, I
didn't go through the entire year and comment on everything. But here are
a few different archive pages I picked out and littered with commentary.
Just click on the dates below to read my self-indulgent tripe and learn more
than you ever wanted to know about Not My Desk!
Track One:
March
3 - July 3, 2000 - The very first page of Not My Desk! Learn about
the origins of NMD, view the never-before-seen original Not My Desk website,
hear about the first (of many) discontinued features, and find out the shocking secret of Year One!
Track Two: August
14 - August 18, 2000 - The Stile Project connection,
the Al Gore reaction, trans-gender issues, the real reason why people are always named "Cathy" and "Todd" in my essays,
and more!
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Dammit, I realized today that when I mentioned stile
project on Monday, I completely forgot to mention how that led me to my
advertising contract with bla-bla.com, which led to some nasty animated
banners and buttons I had on the site for a while, and which later led to
a letter from their lawyers. Ah well.
Maybe I'll do another commentary track sometime.
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Track Three: November
11 - November 17, 2000 - In which Pooh rips off Dave Barry,
bitches about Theme Weeks, tells why he's no longer trying to win a car, and
explains exactly what happened to Vision of the Future!
Track Four: December
5, 2000 - Learn how the Tiny Temps page rocketed me to stardom, how
someone stole things from my site for a change, and why jokes should make sense!
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And hey!
Even got Diversions for you this week. Orisinal makes the most
charming flash games on the net, and here's a good Collapse-esque game called Bauns.
Also, a new Mini-Golf Flash game! You can even play two-player
games or play a friend over the net (although you need to register for
that). Finally, the Ass-o-tron, that lets you put ass on the
website of your choice. Don't ask me. I don't writes 'em, I just
links 'em. Links on the left sidebar. Er, no! The is the Collector's
Edition, so links are on the RIGHT sidebar! It's special!
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I moved the Diversions to the right sidebar just before I
posted this. You can tell, because I had already made the section
graphics (Essays, Guide, etc), and they go in a right-justified,
left-justified, right-justified pattern at first, but then they screw up,
due to me changing the order at the last second.
And with THAT incredibly
fascinating tidbit of inside information, I hereby end this commentary and
this week d'theme. Thanks for reading! Bye!
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e:mail:
temp@notmydesk.com
Last
Week on Not My Desk!
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