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Not My Desk: First of all, thank you for agreeing to this interview with yourself. Christopher Livingston: I am welcome. NMD: So, tell us why you started writing about your temp jobs. CL: (looking thoughtfully skyward, rubbing chin) Who... is... Christopher Livingston.... A tricky question, and one not easily answered. Christopher is... somewhat of an enigma. He can be described with adjectives... but not adjectives that you or I have ever heard of. He simply de-- NMD: Excuse me. That wasn't what I asked. CL: Oh. Well. You should ask, because I have a really good answer prepared. NMD: Maybe in a bit. So, why did you start writing about your temp jobs? CL: Well, let's see. I was at my very first temp job, and I was completely bored. They didn't seem to care what I did with my time, so, I wrote about my first morning at the temp agency, and how I got to the desk I was sitting at, and the rest is history.
CL: Networking. Franchising. Synergizing. NMD: Meaning, the same old shit you usually write, huh? CL: Yeah. NMD: We know you're supposedly trying to get published. What do you think is taking so long? CL: Well, I find that I often... oh, excuse me a moment, there are some homeless children who want my autograph. Hi kids! Great to see you. (signs autographs) NMD: Dude. There are no homeless children here asking for autographs. CL: Sure there are! Didn't you see where I just said I was signing autographs? (signs more autographs) NMD: Look, asshat, just typing "signs autographs" in parenthesis doesn't mean it's actually happening. CL: It does so! NMD: Fine, then, um... a-ha! (beats up Chris and makes him cry) CL: Oooh! That didn't happen! NMD: According to your own logic it did so! CL: Fine, you... you... (makes NMD punch himself in the face until HE cries even harder) NMD:
Ha! You wish. (robs Chris of all his money and possessions) CL: (makes off with NMD's clothes so NMD has to walk around naked and stupid and looking like a stupid naked idiot) NMD: (seduces Christina Ricci and makes her hate Chris forever while having sex with NMD all the time and laughing at Chris) CL: (sets NMD on fire and shoves him into a piranha tank, and the piranha are really hungry plus they have poison teeth and they're super mean) NMD: Man. This is dumb. I'm outta here. CL: Fine. Fuck you.
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NMD:
Speaking of history, what do you see for Not My Desk in the future?