Temp-tation
An Introduction to Busyness Management
by Carol Feltman, drawings by Mark Steele
Publisher: Oak Leaf Systems
Short Summary: A fussy, estrogen-soaked guide to temping
Extended Summary: "I believe that being a Temp is similar to a calling. Being devoted to helping those in need, we go from place to place collecting and depositing office pollen, picking up and delivering new ideas and better ways of getting the job done to a world of business shut-ins."
Say what you want about Carol Feltman, she certainly is optimistic. In Temp-tation, she tackles temping from a woman's point of view, sharing with us the fun and foibles of temporary employment.
The book begins with Carol describing how she got into the temping industry after many years of raising kids and cooking meals, the sorts of challenges she had to deal with right out of the gate, and how she's managed to survive and prosper at it for more than twenty-five years. There was a lot to overcome, not only due to being a woman in a man's world, but dealing with the advent of new technology, the arrival of computers, fax machines, and photocopiers, and a quickly-changing job market. Not to mention having to deal with young, wise-ass upstarts such as myself.
Once she's through going on about her life, she starts dispensing advice, oodles of it, all very positive. She knows it's hard. She knows it's awkward. She knows it's scary. But just get out there and do it. Temping will expose you to things both good and bad, and it's just a matter enjoying the former and dealing with the latter. The toughest part is just getting out the door and and taking that first step, she explains, and after that it all gets easier.
Similar to many temping guides on the market, there are sections describing how to get started, what to expect, the aforementioned oodles of advice, and personal experiences from her days as a temp. A very stubborn, anal, fussy, know-it-all temp, as it turns out.
The
book itself is, well, slender. Not exactly jam-packed with material, it
features more than a few blank pages, cartoons of people with enormous heads,
and captions for those cartoons such as "You did WHAT to my hard
drive?!!" and "I have to be there HOW soon?" that are given pages
of their very own. The text itself is a bit sparse, the margins wide, the fonts
big enough to read from a different room. But it's, you know, cute.
Temping tips are scattered here and there. If you need to get a question answered, you are directed to lurk outside the rest room and ambush the person when they emerge. I don't know why you'd want to interrogate someone who might have just urinated on their hands or done a hasty wiping job, but she seems to think it's just the ticket for getting your questions answered.
Need to deliver some material to a crowded boardroom? Readers are encouraged to "walk in like a lady and walk out like a lady. You do not have to tiptoe in and then walk out backwards." This makes sense to me, especially since I have trouble finding doorways when I'm walking backwards. The cartoon supplied with this tip depicts a woman walking into a boardroom filled with what appears to be naked men. They look more than a little grouchy, as are all men when interrupted when in naked conference.
We quickly get some insight into Carol's personality in a section titled: "But Why Am I Here? Don't Ask", where she suggests not inquiring as to why you've been brought in to work at any particular office. Personally, this information is always given to me unbidden -- it's just part of what you're told when you take any job. "You're filling in for Nancy," they'll say, or "Tony died from auto-erotic asphyxiation, and we're looking for a replacement". But Carol is apparently kept in the dark about such things, and considers it rude to question your reason for being there, saying: "Even though you wonder why you have been sent for, try not to ask. Generally speaking, however, you'll be seated at a desk that belongs - or belonged - to somebody."
Hey, lady, that's my shtick.
Then: "After you've had a chance to settle in, and if it turns out (as is usual) you're filling in for that someone, at some time during the day, it's OK to ask how long the person has been away and when do they intend to come back? This will give you an indication of whether or not to tidy up the area."
Tidy up the area? Oh, I see. She's one of those. I can picture her sitting there, lips pursed, industriously tidying and re-arranging someone's desk after all of five minutes. She knows better than they how their desks should be set up.
Carol also points out that you should never share the details of your salary with co-workers or other temps. If they press you on it, simply use "humor" to defuse the situation. Some suggested comebacks:
"I'm supposed to be getting paid for this?"
"I'm not sure - I haven't spoken to my accountant."
"If I tell you, then you'll ask me my weight and age!"
Oh, Carol!!!
Of course, Ms. Feltman has a list of items temps should bring with them on every job. And, of course, it is quite lengthy. She doesn't seem to be going out of her way to shatter stereotypes about women. As you read this list, you know, deep in your heart, that she gives bad directions. She takes hours in the bathroom. She putters about antiques stores. She swoons over Sean Connery. She knits tissue-box cozies. She cries when she gets pulled over. She starts a great many sentences with "Well, it's probably none of my business, but..." She fishes around in her bag interminably for exact change at the grocery store.
Her list, with no omissions:
Okay. If you had me load an entire TRUCK with items I thought I'd need during the course of the day, I would never, ever, ever in a million years think to bring a tiny sewing kit with me. Not that I think it's a bad idea, it's really not. You never know when you might pop a button or need to stitch up a gaping head wound. Some of her other items, however, seem a tad redundant since you are going to work in an OFFICE. Don't bring a stapler with you. They've got them there, honey! It's an OFFICE! Same for the paper, glue stick, paper clips, rubber bands, scissors, ruler, etc. When you get to work, all that crap will be in a drawer. Aspirin isn't a bad idea, but skip the tape measure, okay? Stamps, sure, but only in extreme cases, as most of the time you can use the office's postage meter even for your personal letters or bills. She suggests bringing a tea bag, but what about water, Carol? You daren't use theirs! And a cup! Don't forget a spoon, and napkins in case you have an oopsie!
In case you're wondering what "Work Log" is at the head of that list, I'll explain it now, as it is perhaps the most telling bit of information on exactly how the twisted mind of Carol Feltman works.
Keep a log, she tells us, a detailed account of every single task you are given, the date it was given to you, the time it was given, who it was given by, a description of the task, the time you completed it, and who you gave it to when you were done.
Holy shit.
"You may actually think you're so busy that you don't have the time - and certainly not the inclination - to write down each task you are being asked to do."
Well, you've nailed it on the head, Carol. I don't have the time. And what's more, no one in the office has the time to wait for me to finish my "Work Log" between each and every task. When the office is in an uproar, your supervisor is not going to stand their patiently while you sit down with your cup of tea and record the fact that you delivered a file across the hall or stapled a few documents (with your own staples!!).
Wait, it gets worse. She includes a little sample log, a drawn grid with rows and columns and times and dates and names, detailing every single tiny little insignificant task. One of them, in the description column of a task for "J. Jones", reads: "Table of Contents - make 1 copy of 1 page*". Below the log, we see what the asterisk indicates:
"*This type of annotation will most often encourage John Jones to make his own copy of one page in the future - especially since he passes the copy machine on his way to and from your desk. And since your work log is on your desk for everyone to see and check the status of their own tasks, John Jones looks rather lazy. And we certainly wouldn't want that fact to be advertised, would we?!"
I've worked with this woman. Many times. There's only one Carol Feltman in the world. One Carol Feltman with many faces. She is someone so set in her ways, so unwilling to let the fact that John Jones doesn't need to make his own copies because John Jones is the frigging boss, dammit, alter her perception of her role in the office. She really thinks that by writing this down in her little log, while the phone is no doubt ringing off the hook and someone in payroll is waiting for the latest report, she's going to shame this man into doing something that, by right, he doesn't need to do for himself anymore.
Thoughts: The real talent in temping doesn't lie in typing speed, or organization, or punctuality, or sixty-five pound bags of office supplies brought from home. And it certainly doesn't lie in obsessive note-taking and ass-covering. It lies in flexibility. Being able to adjust your own habits to suit the office you happen to be in that day. That's what Carol Feltman doesn't seem to get, and probably never will.
Scoring: 2 tea bags out of 10
By the way, if you'd like more information about Temp-tation and Carol Feltman (and let's face it, who wouldn't), visit her website at http://www.kahrol.com/.