{"id":736,"date":"2008-11-03T07:18:16","date_gmt":"2008-11-03T15:18:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.screencuisine.net\/?p=736"},"modified":"2012-06-21T13:06:18","modified_gmt":"2012-06-21T21:06:18","slug":"the-demoman-mount-blade","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.screencuisine.net\/screencuisine\/video-games\/the-demoman\/the-demoman-mount-blade\/","title":{"rendered":"Mount & Blade"},"content":{"rendered":"

$\"\"$ <\/a><\/p>\n

Welcome to a Very Special episode of The Demo Man.\u00c2\u00a0 Why is it Very Special?\u00c2\u00a0 Because I actually played a demo I kind of like, as opposed to the demos I usually play which are pure crap.\u00c2\u00a0 Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get me wrong, there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a lot of crap in this demo.\u00c2\u00a0 But what isn’t crap is actually really, really<\/em> good, so I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m afraid I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll have to say some nice things about it. Bear with me.<\/p>\n

Mount & Blade is an open-world single-player medieval RPG created by some guy and his wife.\u00c2\u00a0 The demo lets you play the game for free until you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve gained seven levels. You may not last that long once you get a look at it.\u00c2\u00a0 It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s ugly as hell.\u00c2\u00a0 The graphics and models look as if they were made in 1997, and were clunky and outdated even then.\u00c2\u00a0 In reality, the game came out a couple months ago.<\/p>\n

There are several tutorials that teach you the basics of movement and combat, which includes mounted combat.\u00c2\u00a0 The tutorials put you in the role of a dead-eyed, vapid-looking warrior.<\/p>\n

$\"\"$ <\/a><\/p>\n

I present to you Sir Pauly of Shore.\u00c2\u00a0 Just look at that guy.\u00c2\u00a0 This game just came out.\u00c2\u00a0 In September.\u00c2\u00a0 Of this year.\u00c2\u00a0 Shit you, I do not.\u00c2\u00a0 On the other hand, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s nice to finally have a game cranked up to maximum visual settings.\u00c2\u00a0 It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just a shame it doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t help.<\/p>\n

Mount & Blade is played in third-person perspective, with an interesting (let\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s call it \u00e2\u20ac\u0153dumb\u00e2\u20ac\u009d) camera placement that shows you only the head and upper body of your ass-ugly character.\u00c2\u00a0 Melee combat is simple, but also, dare I say it, kinda good.\u00c2\u00a0 To parry an enemy\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s attack with your weapon, you hold down the right mouse button, similar to Oblivion, but with a tiny twist that makes all the difference:\u00c2\u00a0 you have to wait until your enemy has begun his attack, otherwise you might not be parrying in the correct direction.\u00c2\u00a0 It doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t sound like much, but it makes the combat about timing instead of about simply waiting.<\/p>\n

Mounted combat is trickier, but a lot of fun when it works properly.\u00c2\u00a0 The faster you ride, the more damage your attack does but the harder it is to land your blows correctly.\u00c2\u00a0 Even on stationary targets, it can take a while to get right, especially with bow and arrow.<\/p>\n

Once I finished the tutorial,\u00c2\u00a0 I got to create my own character.\u00c2\u00a0 There are a number of sliders that allow you to adjust your character\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s face to various degrees of ugliness.\u00c2\u00a0 What kind of character will you <\/em>create?\u00c2\u00a0 Butt Ugly?\u00c2\u00a0 Dog Ugly?\u00c2\u00a0 Fugly?\u00c2\u00a0 I couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t decide, so I used the randomizer, which came up with Ass Ugly.<\/p>\n

$\"\"$ <\/a><\/p>\n

Meet Sir Face of Ass.\u00c2\u00a0 Time to choose his starting stats.\u00c2\u00a0 Since I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m enjoying the combat, I put his points into Strength and Agility, give him some proficiency in single and double handed weapons, and a couple points in skills like Ironflesh and Powerstrike, which sound pretty badass. I have one skill point left, so I put that in Prisoner Management.\u00c2\u00a0 I have no idea what that entails, but if Sir Face can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t cut it as a bruiser, at least he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll have some corporate skills to fall back on.<\/p>\n

I begin my adventure, finding myself in the beautifully rendered landscape in the stunningly gorgeous land of oh balls it looks like shit.<\/p>\n

$\"\"$ <\/a><\/p>\n

I ride my little horsey icon around until I encounter a group of four looters.\u00c2\u00a0 The leader threatens me, but Sir Face of Ass does not scare easily. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s time for some real combat.\u00c2\u00a0 The music swells and surges, the map loads, and I prepare for battle.<\/p>\n

Um.\u00c2\u00a0 There\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s no one around.\u00c2\u00a0 The looters, after threatening me, have apparently retreated to a safe distance of 34 miles.\u00c2\u00a0 I ride around for a few minutes, looking for them.\u00c2\u00a0 The music continues to swell hopefully.\u00c2\u00a0 I reach the end of the map and turn back.\u00c2\u00a0 Still nothing.\u00c2\u00a0 Even the soundtrack has given up: I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m now galloping around in silence.\u00c2\u00a0 Then, suddenly<\/span> eventually the looters appear!<\/p>\n

$\"\"$ <\/a><\/p>\n

As opposed to highwaymen in Oblivion, who are often decked out in fancy armor and bear expensive weapons, these looters do not appear to have much of a bankroll.\u00c2\u00a0 Only one has armor, the rest don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even have shirts or boots.\u00c2\u00a0 They carry stubby swords and crude axes; when I ride out of range they stoop to pick up stones, which they fling at me (which is pretty awesome).\u00c2\u00a0 I spend about five minutes weaving in and out of them, landing about one of every five blows of my axe.\u00c2\u00a0 I gotta say, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s immensely satisfying when I do manage to hit one of them at full gallop.<\/p>\n

$\"\"$ <\/a><\/p>\n

Sir Face does the land of Ass proud, however, and slays all four looters, then, perhaps ironically, loots their corpses.<\/p>\n

I ride to the nearby town of Kedelke, where I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m given a few options.\u00c2\u00a0 I can try to recruit people to join my party, visit the village center, buy supplies from the peasants, or take hostile action.\u00c2\u00a0 I think you know which I chose.\u00c2\u00a0 I just took on four looters, what fear could a few shabby peasants hold for Sir Face?\u00c2\u00a0 I ride in at full gallop, brandishing my axe.<\/p>\n

$\"\"$ <\/a><\/p>\n

Whoops.\u00c2\u00a0 There were a lot more peasants than I was expecting.\u00c2\u00a0 They quickly knock me from my horse and club me unconscious. That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s me face-down on the ground, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s them celebrating.\u00c2\u00a0 No need to rub it in, jerks.<\/p>\n

I visit another town and decide to be nicer.\u00c2\u00a0 The Elder of the town asks me to train some peasants in the ways of combat, which requires me to click the words \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Train Peasants\u00e2\u20ac\u009d a bunch of times, and occasionally spar with one of them.\u00c2\u00a0 After a few days, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve molded them into a fighting force, as well as recruited some tribesmen to my party, and we have a big brawl against some bandits.<\/p>\n

$\"\"$ <\/a><\/p>\n

This is where the game gets really fun, with thrilling and awful music blaring, dozens of NPCs hacking and slashing at each other, arrows zipping by your head as you weave in and out of them on horseback, slamming your axe into anyone foolish enough to get in your way.\u00c2\u00a0 We overcome the bandits and I greedily take everything the villagers offer in payment.\u00c2\u00a0 I recruit a few more fighters into my party, then head back to the village that kicked my ass earlier.<\/p>\n

This time, they give into my demands without a fight.\u00c2\u00a0 Yeah, I thought so.\u00c2\u00a0 I take all their stuff and leave, returning moments later to steal some cattle. That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s what happens, peasants, when you dare to knock a marauder unconscious while he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s trying to loot your village.\u00c2\u00a0 Your village gets looted.\u00c2\u00a0 Let this be a lesson.<\/p>\n

The adventures of Sir Face of Ass and his Merry Mercenaries continue.\u00c2\u00a0 We triumph against a force of fourteen warriors whose crime it was to desert the army of whatever land this is.\u00c2\u00a0 We triumph against a force of nine farmers on their way to market whose crime it was to be easy to triumph against.\u00c2\u00a0 We visit a castle prison to see if there are any prisoners to manage.\u00c2\u00a0 There are none.<\/p>\n

Anyway.\u00c2\u00a0 I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m kind of enjoying this demo.\u00c2\u00a0 I guess there are a bunch of actual quests you can do, too, though I prefer to just get into fights, as that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the best part.\u00c2\u00a0 I actually recommend this demo: the combat is a lot of fun, and even if you don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to build your own ugly character and round up some mercs, there are some ready-to-play combat scenarios, huge battles you can just leap into and immediately start to play, including some castle sieges.\u00c2\u00a0 If you can stand the horrid graphics, ugly models, terrible character animation, annoying constant music, bland dialogue, and rotten inventory management, there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s definitely some free fun to be had here.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The demo of Mount & Blade, an unattractive yet oddly engaging RPG.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1753,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[674],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-736","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-the-demoman","section-blog","entry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.screencuisine.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/736"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.screencuisine.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.screencuisine.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.screencuisine.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.screencuisine.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=736"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.screencuisine.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/736\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.screencuisine.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1753"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.screencuisine.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=736"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.screencuisine.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=736"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.screencuisine.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=736"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}