Co-workers: they’re always saying stuff, am I right? Ladies, you know what I’m talking about.<\/p>\n
Sometimes the things co-workers say are not the things they mean, and since I am the first person in history to ever notice this, here are some random entries from the Unabridged Co-Worker Translation Guide.<\/p>\n
Entry #249: “I can’t figure out how to work my phone” = “I have not made any attempt to figure out how to work my phone”<\/p>\n
Entry #106:\u00a0 “I need help with this” = “Do this for me”<\/p>\n
Entry #387: “Hey, quick question…” = “Hey, several dozen lengthy questions…”<\/p>\n
Entry #426: “We need to give Cathy a call” = “You need to give Cathy a call”<\/p>\n
Entry #325: “Are you going out for lunch today?” = “Get me lunch”<\/p>\n
Entry #622: “I think we’re out of pens” = “I do not see a pen within a three foot radius of where I’m sitting”<\/p>\n
Entry #88: “Did Todd get a new computer?” = “Why haven’t I also gotten a new computer?”<\/p>\n
Entry #139: “Thanks for showing me how to do something in Microsoft Excel” = “You are now the company’s expert in Microsoft Excel”<\/p>\n
Entry #320: “I’m expecting a fax” = “I’m expecting you to hover over the fax machine for the next seven hours”<\/p>\n
Entry #212: “I don’t like the look of that applicant” = “That applicant is black”<\/p>\n
Entry #381: “I copied you on an e-mail a while back…” = “By copying you on an e-mail, I actually expected you to completely handle it despite the e-mail being primarily addressed to someone other than you”<\/p>\n
Entry #414: “How’s everything going with you? = “I am about to ignore whatever you say and then tell you how everything is going with me, which is terribly, and which will take an hour”<\/p>\n
Entry #198: “The copier is broken” = “The copier is out of paper”<\/p>\n
Entry #198A: “The copier is broken” = “The copier hasn’t telepathically divined what I want it to do”<\/p>\n
Entry #198B: “The copier is broken” = “The copier is broken, and since you are standing there I’ll just assume you’re the copier repairman”<\/p>\n
Entry #198C: “The copier is broken” = “I broke the copier”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Co-workers: they’re always saying stuff, am I right? Ladies, you know what I’m talking about. Sometimes the things co-workers say are not the things they mean, and since I am the first person in history to ever notice this, here are some random entries from the Unabridged Co-Worker Translation Guide. Entry #249: “I can’t figure […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[697],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-342","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-work-stuff","section-blog","entry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.screencuisine.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/342"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.screencuisine.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.screencuisine.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.screencuisine.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.screencuisine.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=342"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.screencuisine.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/342\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.screencuisine.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=342"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.screencuisine.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=342"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.screencuisine.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=342"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}