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10-14-00 - GOOD MORNING
This is the scene outside my window this morning: The Alameda "7th Annual Car & Gunning Engines Real Loud at 7:00 am Saturday Morning While Pot-Bellied Men Yell About Rebuilt Front Ends" Show. As you can see by the throngs of onlookers, it's a real hit this year. For a moment, as I stared blearily down up them, I thought perhaps I had won all of those free car contests I had entered. Of course, there is music, too. Lots of songs with "dip-dip-dip-dip" and "wop-shoo-wop" and "ohhhh, yeah" and "oooo-wahhhh" in them. And, let's not forget about the inevitable Wolfman Jack impersonator. Honestly, I don't understand what was so great about Wolfman Jack in the first place. How did he get a job as a DJ, anyway? How did that interview go? "Mr. Jack... can I call you Wolfman? We're looking for a DJ who sounds like someone is standing on his throat. You've certainly got that sound, but we have a lot of other qualified DJ's left to interview, all of whom sound like someone is standing on their throats. We'll let you know." Face it. The man sounded like a talking fart. If flatulence was a DJ, it would be Wolfman Jack. e-mail: temp@notmydesk.com 10-13-00 - Salt and Yepper This morning, my boss handed me a document. "I need you to fax this to Cathy in Sacramento, and then file it in the Completed Projects folder," he said. "All-righty," I said, instantly breaking my week-old rule of never again saying "All-righty." I hate it when I say things like that, so I've been making a real effort not to. Another on my list is "Okey-Dokey!" and the shorter, modified version: "Okey-Doke." Lame! It brings me back to a dark, shameful time of my life when instead of saying "Yes" or even "Yep" I would say "Yepper!" I guarantee Clint Eastwood never used the word "Yepper" in his life. You know, I'm not sure I ever properly thanked spinn from spinnwebe.com for giving me a Creative Award. Wow. Definitely an honor to be on his list along with Lileks and The Editing Room and all the other great sites he's got there. Damn cool, if you ask me. Thanks, spinn! This is going to be a busy weekend, what with the Mets in the NLCS and all, so I probably won't be back until Monday. Next week, we'll finally have a Cheese Week update, and hopefully a little more content than we had over the past few days. Okey-Dokey? e-mail: temp@notmydesk.com 10-12-00 - Through a Glass, Dorkly Looking for Fitness Week, as advertised on bla-bla.com? Well, it's right here. For more hot theme week action, click 'themes' on the sidebar! Moving on... what's the worst phrase you can hear at a temp job (besides "We need to talk about the 1.58 gigs of porn on your hard drive")? The answer: "Okay, let's go around the room, and everyone say their name and a little about themselves and what they do." I heard this yesterday, followed by "Chris, let's start with you." (I'm Chris, in case you were wondering.) Keep in mind, I've been at this job for months and everyone already knows who I am (Chris) and what I do (nothing). But, since we have a new department working in our area (by 'new department', I mean two new people (and by 'new people', I mean people who have worked elsewhere in the building for years and are just relocating)), it was decided that our entire morning had to be disrupted for a meeting so everyone could get to know everyone they already know. After I stammered out my name and a short, fabricated list of duties, I sat back and listened as everyone else did the same, only with less stammering. Then, I noticed the 'new' girl, Kim, sitting across the table from me and giving me what I determined was a look. You know. A look. Huh. Well, she's certainly attractive, so I thought I'd give her a look back. I have this look where I tilt my head forward and peer over the rims of my glasses, and from practicing in the mirror for several hours over the weekend, I know that it is incredibly suave. The practical problem with this look, as I found out when I tried it on Kim, is that when I peer over my glasses, I can't actually see what I'm peering at. Thus, it was impossible to determine her reaction, so I quickly had to un-nod my head and look back at her through my glasses. I imagine the effect was of someone suddenly and sharply bobbing their head for no apparent reason. Suave, I tell you! When I got her back into focus, she was giving the same look to a plant across the room. I think she just has a perpetual look thing going on. Tease. e-mail: temp@notmydesk.com 10-11-00 - From the Mouth of Wabe There was almost no update again today, but I was bailed out by wabewalker. Wabe has a great story about perhaps the shortest short-term job EVER: 34 seconds. I'm not kidding. Take a gander at wabe's Descent into Madness. And don't forget to check out the Road Trip, home of the Smogmobile 2000! Thanks, wabe! e-mail: temp@notmydesk.com 10-10-00 - Sick in the Head My head is full of schnot, and I'm going to bed. e-mail: temp@notmydesk.com 10-9-00 - A Buncha Links and Stuff
Now that Fitness Week is over, you all have my permission to go back to being the lazy and unhealthy slobs you are. You know, I had originally planned on quitting cigarettes, caffeine, fast food, and alcohol for the whole week to keep in spirit with the fitness theme, but after thinking about it for 1.7 nanoseconds, I realized what a mistake that would be. Those four food-groups are what keep me going in the first place. Something I've been a little lazy about is providing actual temping resources. It's all well and good to post pictures of nude women making bizarre facial expressions, but what if someone wants some actual information about temping? So, I've started scouring the internet for temping websites and information. This is also timely because I'm currently under the weather (possibly due to my four food groups), and I'm not feeling particularly interesting or creative. Sounds like a good time to link to stuff other people have written. Check out TempNYC. I dig it. They have some cool stuff I wish I'd thought of, like this desktop wallpaper you can put up on your computer when you quit a job. I'm totally into the idea of guerrilla temping, of getting out there and leaving some sort of mark on the places I work, but so far the only marks I've left have been some poor filing and maybe a coffee stain or two. Of course, this is going to be my last few weeks at my current job, and I've got a lot of animosity built up from the past nine months or so, so maybe I'll think of some ideas before I leave. A Guerrilla Temping theme week might be fun. Also, take a look at Temp 24-7, which is a temping site that's been around for a while now. It's a pretty cool site (except for all the frames), and they take submissions from readers. They also have a neat game called Temps vs. Suits (requires Shockwave to play). If you're thinking about doing some temping but don't know where to start, check out their state-by-state listings of temp agencies, which is something I'm far to lazy to ever do. Also, here's a Bizarro cartoon for ya. Bizarro is cool. And, Herbert Kornfeld from The Onion had a little something to say about temps. Props to tha H-Dog. e-mail: temp@notmydesk.com Don't stop here! Visit the ARCHIVES!!
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Please
note: Let's Go Mets! They certainly were proactive this weekend,
weren't they?